How Do I Know I'm Experiencing Emotional Abuse?
Most clients I work with are in relationships or have been in long-term relationships. Some of these relationships are secure, healthy, and supportive. Others include dynamics that inhibit joy and happiness causing more anxiety and a sense of feeling stuck or stagnant. As we sort through relational dynamics, sometimes an emotionally abusive pattern begins to reveal itself. Often these questions are a sign that a client is being gaslit and manipulated in their relationship:
“I feel confused. Am I crazy? What am I not getting?”
“I feel like I’ve tried to get him to understand, but it’s not working. How do I get him to understand my perspective?”
Clients who are having these questions might be in a relational pattern that has elements of emotional abuse and gaslighting. As we work to explore these dynamics, the below acronym is helpful in assessing a client’s experience of her relationship:
DARVO
What is DARVO? DARVO is a reaction that an individual engages in when they are faced with someone attempting to hold them accountable. It involves:
Denying a victim’s experience of hurtful behavior. This includes denying that the experience ever took place.
Accusing the victim of attacking the gaslighter when the victim attempts to hold the person accountable.
The person claims that they are the victim in the situation and that the victim is actually gaslighting them thus Reversing the Victim and Offender role. This can also include victim blaming.
If this is something you are experiencing or have experience and have questions about, it might be worth checking in with your support system or therapist to explore what may be happening for you in your relationship.