Attachment Theory Synthesized

With an oversaturation of information on social media, influencers are working hard to stay relevant. Unfortunately, this has led to some confusing posts and “expert sounding memes” about attachment theory and science that aren’t fully founded. While there’s incredible value in having access to attachment science that once was only knowledge held by those who researched and studied attachment, sometimes these bite sized pieces of information aren’t fully founded.

Let’s start with a little history on attachment. John Bowlby was the first to challenge the psychoanalysts (Freud) about the impact on childhood conditions and psychological disorders. Bowlby argued that two environmental factors were significantly impactful in a child’s life: 1. the death or prologed separation from a mother; and 2. the mother’s emotional response to a child. It wasn’t until the 1960’s when Mary Ainsworth, using Bowlby’s theories, developed what’s known as The Strange Situation. The Strange Situation evaluated 100 mothers and their babies through a series of time together that involved play, separation, reunion, and behavior in the presence of a stranger. Through studying these observations of what transpired between the child and mother particularly at the time of reunion, researchers discovered patterns in the infants’ behaviors. These patterns led to the development of 3 main attachment styles, which are Secure, Avoidant Insecure, and Ambivalent Insecure. Later, a 4th attachment style was discovered known as Disorganized Insecure, which is a more uncommon attachment style. In summery, here is what researchers found:

The securely attached baby was able to seek out their mother when she left and was warmly accepted and comforted when reunited.

The avoidantly attached baby depended less on their mother for comfort and security and sometimes became aggressive, and had no interest in the mother upon her return.

The ambivalently attached baby sought out to reunite with the mother upon her return, but then became angry or detached when reunited and so was not able to be soothed.

This stunning research created a greater understanding of the impact of early childhood experiences on development. This led to greater and deeper conversations and research on what children actually need in order to thrive as secure humans in the world. And in summary, it all comes down to a felt sense of security. Will my parent/attachment figure be there when I need them? Can I rely on my parent/attachment figure to see me, support me, care for me in the ways I need?

What are some take aways?

The attachment system is a biologically driven system to ensure survival. The attachment system is activated by fear, pain, or fatigue. The attachment style is the internal working model for how a person responds when in distress (fear, pain, or fatigue) while attachment behaviors are the behaviors that are intended to elicit comfort or a greater sense of safety/security.

What’s incredible about the connection between attachment and neuroscience?

If you find you lean toward an insecure attachment style, your attachment style can change and become secure over time. We can change our internal working models to feel more secure allowing us to thrive more in our lives.

If you are interested in doing a deeper dive into attachment sciences, here are some books I recommend (and my resources for this post):

John Bowlby’s Attachment and Loss Volume 1

Becoming Attached by Robert Karen

Attachment Parenting by Arthur Becker-Weidman and Deborah Shell

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

For couples…Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson